“The Manager Upstairs”

Valerie’s Apartment, Exterior

(Brent knocks)

BRENT: It’s your neighbor!

(the door opens)

BRENT: Ha… Hi. I… I was wondering about the smell? (Valerie cackles, grabs him and pulls him inside)

Valerie’s Apartment, Interior

VALERIE: Oh! Can you believe it? I just pulled this card… and you knocked. (she compels him to sit)

BRENT: Well, isn’t that… uh… (he picks up the tarot card) Oh. What does that mean?

VALERIE: It represents holding the world at bay… keeping it at arm’s length.

BRENT: Huh!

VALERIE: In the Swiss system, it’s linked with impotence.

BRENT: Yeah…what?

VALERIE: But, no one takes the Swiss seriously anymore.

BRENT: Why… why should they?

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Premiere

Television Studio Set of Jolinda in the Morning

JOLINDA: Welcome back. I’m sitting here with our very special guest, Brent Spiner.

(audience applause)

BRENT: Thank you! (bows) Thank you.

JOLINDA: Welcome, Brent.

BRENT: Well, thank you, Jolinda. I’m glad to be here. I, I… I watch the show all the time!

JOLINDA: Oh! How flattering. Well, I’ve watched your show all the time… all hundred and seventy-six episodes of Star Trek, Next Generation.

(audience cheers)

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“The Actress Next Door”

Brent’s Apartment, Interior

(someone knocks, he answers the door, baseball bat in hand)

DAKOTA: Hi! I’m Dakota. I live next door. I hope I’m not bothering you.

BRENT: No! No. (lowers bat meekly, chuckles) It‘s… it’s fine!… uh… fine! Come on in.

DAKOTA: I… I was wondering if you could run some lines with me?

BRENT: Oh. Well good for you, Dakota. I mean, no sense in being intimidated, right?  We’re all just… uh… actors, trying to make a living in this crazy business.

DAKOTA: Oh, you’re an actor too?

BRENT: (pause) Really? Ya, ya, ya… you don’t? (gestures at himself, questioning)

DAKOTA: (looks at him blankly)

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“The Agent Showcase”

Silver Lake School of Acting & Tatoo, Interior

(Brent and Dakota perform a lost episode of Friends on stage)

BRENT: Could you be any more obvious?

DAKOTA: Stop whining and… help me put the fish back on the plate!

HECKLER: (from the audience) Daaaata! Daaaata!

BRENT: (pauses, irritated)

HECKLER: Data, speak some Borg!

BRENT: (pretends to pick up invisible fish) You know, this… this doesn’t feel right. I… I think we should tell them we dropped the fish on the floor.

DAKOTA: But Rachel will get fired!

HECKLER: Data!

BRENT: (pauses, nods at Dakota to continue)

DAKOTA: And… if her boss finds out, Data will get fired!

BRENT: YES! YES!  Rachel will get fired, and…

HECKLER:  Data! Engage!

BRENT: (stands up, indignant)  Oh, what is it, sir?! Whaddaya want?

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“The Agent Meeting”

Third Leg Talent Agency, interior

(knock on door, Brent enters)

TOMMY: (looks up) Hey, hey, hey! There he is! My Favorite Alien.

BRENT: Hey, nice to meet with you. (the two men shake hands)

TOMMY: Right? No, that’s not what it is. What is — what is it?

BRENT: Uh… Martian?

TOMMY: Right! Right, right. We have The Hulk. He was green too, just like you.

BRENT: Well, actually, I wasn’t … uh…

TOMMY: Can I get you a water?

BRENT: No

TOMMY: Room temp? (temperature)

BRENT: No, no.

TOMMY: Sparkling water?

BRENT: No, thanks.

TOMMY: Alright. Have this one. (sets bottle in front of Brent)

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