Fresh Hell — Episode 5 — Transcript
“The Manager Upstairs”
Valerie’s Apartment, Exterior
BRENT: It’s your neighbor!
(the door opens)
BRENT: Ha… Hi. I… I was wondering about the smell? (Valerie cackles, grabs him and pulls him inside)
Valerie’s Apartment, Interior
VALERIE: Oh! Can you believe it? I just pulled this card… and you knocked. (she compels him to sit)
BRENT: Well, isn’t that… uh… (he picks up the tarot card) Oh. What does that mean?
VALERIE: It represents holding the world at bay… keeping it at arm’s length.
VALERIE: In the Swiss system, it’s linked with impotence.
VALERIE: But, no one takes the Swiss seriously anymore.
BRENT: Why… why should they?
Fresh Hell — Episode 1 — Transcript
Television Studio Set of Jolinda in the Morning
JOLINDA: Welcome back. I’m sitting here with our very special guest, Brent Spiner.
BRENT: Thank you! (bows) Thank you.
JOLINDA: Welcome, Brent.
BRENT: Well, thank you, Jolinda. I’m glad to be here. I, I… I watch the show all the time!
JOLINDA: Oh! How flattering. Well, I’ve watched your show all the time… all hundred and seventy-six episodes of Star Trek, Next Generation.
Fresh Hell — Episode 2 — Transcript
Fresh Hell — Episode 3 — Transcript
“The Actress Next Door”
Brent’s Apartment, Interior
(someone knocks, he answers the door, baseball bat in hand)
DAKOTA: Hi! I’m Dakota. I live next door. I hope I’m not bothering you.
BRENT: No! No. (lowers bat meekly, chuckles) It‘s… it’s fine!… uh… fine! Come on in.
DAKOTA: I… I was wondering if you could run some lines with me?
BRENT: Oh. Well good for you, Dakota. I mean, no sense in being intimidated, right? We’re all just… uh… actors, trying to make a living in this crazy business.
DAKOTA: Oh, you’re an actor too?
BRENT: (pause) Really? Ya, ya, ya… you don’t? (gestures at himself, questioning)
DAKOTA: (looks at him blankly)
Fresh Hell — Episode 4 — Transcript
“The Agent Showcase”
Silver Lake School of Acting & Tatoo, Interior
(Brent and Dakota perform a lost episode of Friends on stage)
BRENT: Could you be any more obvious?
DAKOTA: Stop whining and… help me put the fish back on the plate!
HECKLER: (from the audience) Daaaata! Daaaata!
BRENT: (pauses, irritated)
HECKLER: Data, speak some Borg!
BRENT: (pretends to pick up invisible fish) You know, this… this doesn’t feel right. I… I think we should tell them we dropped the fish on the floor.
DAKOTA: But Rachel will get fired!
BRENT: (pauses, nods at Dakota to continue)
DAKOTA: And… if her boss finds out, Data will get fired!
BRENT: YES! YES! Rachel will get fired, and…
HECKLER: Data! Engage!
BRENT: (stands up, indignant) Oh, what is it, sir?! Whaddaya want?
“The Agent Meeting”
Third Leg Talent Agency, interior
(knock on door, Brent enters)
TOMMY: (looks up) Hey, hey, hey! There he is! My Favorite Alien.
BRENT: Hey, nice to meet with you. (the two men shake hands)
TOMMY: Right? No, that’s not what it is. What is — what is it?
BRENT: Uh… Martian?
TOMMY: Right! Right, right. We have The Hulk. He was green too, just like you.
BRENT: Well, actually, I wasn’t … uh…
TOMMY: Can I get you a water?
TOMMY: Room temp? (temperature)
BRENT: No, no.
TOMMY: Sparkling water?
BRENT: No, thanks.
TOMMY: Alright. Have this one. (sets bottle in front of Brent)