Fresh Hell — deleted scenes

Deleted Scene 1B
Brent calls his Agent
No Smoke EFX

Brent’s Apartment, Kitchen

(Brent puts bagel in toaster, a call he had placed on his speaker phone is ringing)

MAN ON PHONE:  Good morning! Innovative Talent.

BRENT: Uh… could I speak to Jerry, please?

MAN ON PHONE:  Ah…may I ask who’s calling?

BRENT: Brent Spiner.

MAN ON PHONE: I’m sorry?

BRENT: BRENT SPINER!

MAN ON PHONE:  Ooooh! I’m sorry, Brent. Jerry’s no longer at the agency.

BRENT: Oh?

MAN ON PHONE:  Kenny’s gonna be handling you now.

BRENT: Kenny? I don’t know any Kenny.

MAN ON PHONE: Putting you through to Kenny right now.

BRENT: (exasperated sigh)

***

(tones of phone being dialed, ringing — a voice with an obvious Indian accent answers)

KENNY: (on phone) Thank you for calling. My name is Kenny. What is your complaint, please?

BRENT: Compl… uh… stuh… (sigh) This is Brent Spiner.

KENNY: Yes, Mr. Spiner.

BRENT: I was told you’re my agent.

KENNY: One second. (sound of furiously quick typing) That is correct, sir! I am also informing you that this call may be recorded for training purposes.

BRENT: Uh, uh… eh. Where are you, Kenny?

KENNY: I’m in Mumbai, sir! Well… technically, the suburbs.

BRENT: India?

KENNY: Yes, sir! … Spell your name for me?

BRENT: (pause) ‘B’… uh, uh, uh… (sigh)… Kenny, uh, you know what? I don’t think this is gonna work out.

(Brent reacts to smoke pouring from toaster — which was to be added with special effects later)

BRENT: Uh. OH! OH! (rushes to toaster) My… gah… my… MY BAGEL’S ON FIRE!!!!

KENNY: I beg your pardon, sir? I’m not familiar with this show business term. Oooh, God.

BRENT: No, no, no! My, uh… my… THE TOASTER IS BURNING MY BAGEL!!!

KENNY: What type of toaster is it, sir?

BRENT: Uh… IT‘S A CRIPPS… SERIES 3!!!

KENNY: Hold, please! (sound of furiously fast typing again)

(Brent waves smoke away from toaster)

KENNY: Sir, you cannot put a bagel in this toaster. It was not built to accommodate the thickness of a bagel … come closer.

(Brent looks up, takes a step towards the phone, stops)

KENNY: Closer still.

(Brent takes another step, leans in to listen)

KENNY: I am risking much by telling you this. I can get you a new toaster if it is under warranty…  but you cannot tell them you put a bagel into a Series 3. You must tell them…  it was veet toast. Do you understand? Veet toast!

BRENT: (confused) Veet toast?

KENNY: VEET TOAST!

BRENT: (Oh!) Wheat toast.

KENNY: If I can get your toaster replaced… can I be your agent, sir?

BRENT: No.

KENNY: Transferring you now, sir. (tones of phone being dialed)

***

(Brent is distracted by a knock on the door as a flat Indian voice answers the phone)

RANDY: (on phone) Hello, my name is Randy. What is the model of your toaster?

BRENT: It’s a Cripps, Series 3.

RANDY: What is the problem, sir?

BRENT: It’s smoking.

RANDY: Did you put a bagel in it?

(someone knocks on his door again)

____________________

Deleted Scene 2B
Dakota persuades Brent

Brent’s Apartment

(Dakota stands outside, talking through Brent’s door)

DAKOTA: It’s gonna be full of… agents… and I…

(Brent opens the door, grabs her arm)

DAKOTA: Ooo!

(he quickly pulls her inside, closes door)

BRENT: Alright. Here’s the way it works. You don’t tell anyone beforehand that I’m your scene partner. At least not… not until “The Incident” has blown over.

DAKOTA: Deal. (she jumps in front of Brent as he walks away) So… you’ll do it?

BRENT: I would be honored, Dakota. (he bows)

(she squeals with delight, shakes his hand)

BRENT: Yeah, what’s the play?

DAKOTA: What play?

BRENT: There’s not a pla… uh… oh, God. Is it porn?

DAKOTA: No, even better. It’s a lost episode of Friends.

BRENT: By “lost” do you mean it’s a spec script that nobody wanted to buy?

DAKOTA: Yes, exactly. The guy in the laundry room said I could use it… free.

BRENT: Oh good! At least it wasn’t from a stranger.

DAKOTA: Oh no, he was a total sweetie. Although, half of my panties did go missing afterwards.

BRENT: (softly) Let’s rehearse.

____________________

Fresh Hell — outtakes


(1) 3:19 on video

Brent’s Apartment, Interior

BRENT: Come on in! (waving her in) Come on in! Yeah.

DAKOTA: (nervous giggle) Um… I… was just wondering if you would run some lines with me?

(he closes the door, tries to stand his baseball bat against the wall)

BRENT: Well, good for you, Dakota!

(we hear the baseball bat hit the floor, Brent jumps a little)


(2) 3:31 on video

Theater Stage

(Brent is on the floor with Kat (Dakota), sound of furniture being dragged off camera)

BRENT: [I think he says - “I’ll cheat. Right here.” - but it‘s unclear] It’s just, I’m trying to get my head and all my reactions in the camera.


(3) 3:40 on video

Theater Stage, as before

KAT STEEL (Dakota): It’s true.

MAN OFF CAMERA: False sound. (unclear what was said)

BRENT: It won’t ultimately be that… it’ll be “The Kat Steel Project”… it’s been a…

KAT STEEL (Dakota): My day has come!


(4) 3:47 on video

Theater Backstage

BRIAN PALERMO (Tommy): Yeah. You see, I’m out there on the edge, every day, on the cutting edge… and my business is gonna … (fumbles line) … I’m out tho… ah.

DIRECTOR: Let’s go back to the…

BRIAN PALERMO (Tommy): Yeah, yeah! Hell allo! How ‘bout that? Hey! Hey!


(5) 3:56 on video

Tommy’s Office

DIRECTOR: (off camera): Action.

(Tommy sits on desk, a knock on door, Brent enters)

TOMMY: Hey ! Hey! There he is! My favorite alien!

(phone starts ringing, interrupts scene)

BRENT: (shaking hands) Tommy.

DIRECTOR: Ahh, that’s a cut.


(6) 4:05 on video

Tommy’s Office

BRENT: I’m outta here. I’m sorry.

(Brent walks off camera)

TOMMY: Fine!

BRENT: You know what? That is the weirdest penis I’ve ever seen.

TOMMY: (looks down at penis, up at Brent) Just trying to be hurtful. (strokes his penis gently, talks to it) It’s okay, Robespierre.

DIRECTOR: And that’s a cut!


(7) 4:27 on video

Tommy’s Office

BRENT: (off camera) That’s the weirdest penis I’ve ever seen.

TOMMY: Not according to Judi Dench!!!


(8) 4:34 on video

Tommy’s Office

BRENT: (off camera) Hey, you’ve got the weirdest penis I’ve ever seen.

TOMMY: Oh, really? Fine. Well, you know what? This penis has been in the business for 26 years!!


(9) 4:42 on video

Tommy’s Office

BRENT: You know what? You’ve got the weirdest penis I’ve ever seen.

(opens door, exits)

TOMMY: (calls after him) You ain’t the first to notice.


(10) 4:49 on video

Tommy’s Office

BRENT: You know what? I don’t even like the word “penis.”

(opens door, exits)

TOMMY: (calls after him) Well, it doesn’t like you!!


(11) 4:57 on video

Tommy’s Office

BRENT: If I saw that thing in my garden, I’d hit it with a rake.

(opens door, exits)

TOMMY: (off camera) I’ve done that.


(12) 5:06 on video

Tommy’s Office

BRENT: Last time I saw something like that was at a Korean barbeque.

(opens door, exits)

____________________

Montage with music — 5:14 on video

DIRECTOR: A cut, love it.

DIRECTOR: Cut that, love it. Sweet.

BRENT: What was that woid (word)? Taboo!

DIRECTOR: Taboo, yes.

DIRECTOR: And cut, beautiful! Love it.

KATE CONNOR (Jolinda): That’s fine.

BRENT: That’s great.

DIRECTOR: And, cut.

***

Song playing:

“Lemonade“ by head popping through

She loves lemonade
Sitting in the sun
Cloudy days, I see her run

We spoke yesterday
She couldn’t give me help.
Former friend of mine, for mercy

The [mall rabble]? kids
Sitting on her street
Passed so many times, it’s wicked